You should know this about me.
I’m afraid of starting conversations, especially new ones.
Having said that, I prefer a face to face over telephone, or email, when it comes to resolve things.
I have a few friends that I’ve never spoken to in real life, and yet they know more about me than anyone else in this world.
It is the fear of broken expectaions I guess…
I have a mental picture of people in my head, and I somehow don’t want it to be proven wrong- I don’t want them to be any less than what I imagined them to be.
It was so bad that I wouldn’t ask for my wife’s telephone number while I was courting her.After a few days, she grew exasperated enough to ask me whether I was going to ask her number, or should she give it to me herself!
I said to her”I don’t ask for numbers, coz I get too many even without asking!” I thought I was playing it cool.In retrospect, I was being an ass.
And a lucky one too…she did give me her number, and I said”Don’t expect me to call you everyday” In retrospect, I was pushing my luck.
Maybe I was afraid of the uncertainty more than I was of broken expectations.There is so little control over a two way conversation.
I’m a master at written conversation-I will steer the convo exactly where I want it, but a face to face is fraught with uncertainty and you never know where it will lead. I realise this is a control issue.
I must now realise that being totally in control is an iluusion. I must realise that there is a difference between Knowing and realising. Whoa Dude! I can be soo meta!