Do you have a girlfriend ?
(I’m really tired of saying no, and then answering the odd questions that inevitably follow.)
(I wear Eau de Skunk)
Then are you married?
(No but we live in sin,in a large house made of chocolate cake)
(All women think that they are my sisters)
(Unlike where you come from,incest is illegal.
No that’s not a sick bird.Yes that’s a bad joke)
Ever had sex?
(Often with Mary palmer and her five sisters;no they are not real people,it is a joke with reference to masturbation)
But you are a sailor.
(was that a question? Judging by your rising inflection it seemed to be , but alas not contextually )
But you are A SAILOR.
(‘BUT YOU ARE A ___”…I say in the same rising inflection only replacing my occupation with theirs)
What about whores?
(What about them? That reminds me, Say hi to your mom for me)
So you never went to them?
(Yes, I did, but Your mom refused to give me the group discount…any more questions?)
Are you gay?
(Speaking of gay, that reminds me, Say hi to your dad for me)
(With no hymen to show off,male virginity is highly debatable,also highly irrelevant just like the general concept of virginity)
These days I just bypass these questions by saying Yes.
Its simply an exercise of imagination.
I create names,ages,locations and stories on the spur.(example:We met while kayaking.I saved her from a yak and we ending up yakking all the way back)
It gives me a chance to evaluate memory and its fallibility.
(example:we met in peking.I saved her from Gregory Peck and we ended up pecking all the way back)
So don’t ask me about my relationship status unless you have an hour of free time,for you may hear the most imaginitive love story that never happened, bound to be forgotten within the next few minutes.