“Hey !Later On , just come to my cabin Ok ?”
Was that a question or a statement ? I wondered , and also hoped that
he was not gay.
It’s just one of my fears..Sure… go ahead judge me, go
ahead condemn me,go ahead call me a bigot but I admit it… I’m a bit
homophobic.Its not the thought that I can turn some man on that
bothers me.What bothers me is my fear that he will act on it.
(The very thought that some man can be turned on by me is not a
problem , but the afterthought that he might act on it that gives me
My friend gave me some advice when he found out that I was joining the sea.
He said , and I quote “Do whatever you want,but don’t indulge in gaygiri !
Gaygiri is like dadagiri , but much worse!”
My friend was archaic and orthodox, and outmoded just like Indian
Penal Code which categorizes homosexuality with bestiality and
incest.(but no longer…being gay is legal in india now)
But my fears are dispelled when it turns out that he’s
not gay.None of the seamen I’ve met so far are !
They display their heterosexuality blatantly with huge collections of
rock music and car and bike wallpapers and dirty-filthy jokes and
Tons of porn !
I mean c’mon now, what is a guy supposed to do out at sea when he is lonely?
A female friend once asked me if I had a girlfriend in
It seems almost all women would like to know your current relationship
status wheteher they are interested in you or not.
“Yes”, I said,” and you are number 37 !”
“No !”, she was quick to retort, “I’m not your girlfriend”, and then
tried to ramble on about the purity of platonic friendships…
I stopped her short…
I too want to be just friends…
She was too fat, and too stupid.
We shippys really don’t have a girlfriend in every port we visit,
despite what you seem to believe.There isn’t enough time and in most
ports to meet people and usually the other people we meet are men,
because sadly shipping is a male-dominated industry.
Right from the master of the vessel to the longshoreman on the dock ,
its all men.
Huge , hairy ,hirsute men…Yawn !
(the occasional mermaid we see out at sea is more of an old maid and
nothing like your dirty disney fantasies.Yeah, I know you wish Ariel
lost her conch shell bra once in a while, You PERVERT!)
Really though, some of these guys have obscene
amounts of porn !(pun intended!)-they boast of porn stashes in
gigabytes of harddisk space,
(porn should be aptly confined to harddisks and not floppies, if you
know what I mean !)
There one guy in our ship really takes the cake (and the
stripper hidden in it too ! bada-bing !) by possesing almost a
terabyte of porn.
C’mon, if there was ever a porn famine and they needed
emergency supplies of porn like say in Africa– hey ! He’s your man !
But in many countries possession of porn is illegal and a punishable
criminal offence and sadly we visit many of these countries on a
So , our porno king has taken sufficient safety measures.His porn is
safely hidden behind a 128 bit bit encryption passkey which is a 24
character alphanumeric password which he changes on a weekly basis.(He
has read Dan Brown‘s Digital Fortress twice)This folder is also
innocuosly named “Theoretical aspects of Chromatic Spectrography of
Photosynthesis” and placed with other boring stuff like his scanned
documents and slideshows of his parents vacations.This is one dude who
really values his porn !
But really , its not the size of your porno collection , but how you use it .
I’m just saying that because I only have a very small sized collection 😦
Yeah ! my porn stash is small.I admit it.
But it is functional, has variety and taste !(if there is any such
thing for porn).
Last time in australia, I was searching for MAD
magazine(Something I’m still mad about reading).Disappointingly it
was kept in the porno section of the book store.I then realised
something…I would never buy porn from a bookstore.
I’d never buy it because of all the guilt and shame associated with it
(also because tons of smut is freely available on the internet !)
I mean , I’d never be able to go to the counter and
look in the eye of a sixty year old grandma who is billing my copies
of ‘Nasty College Nymphos’ or my latest copy of “Dirty College
Sluts’…Its too embarassing !
I digress to the point where I should be flogged…so let’s get back.
So I instinctively know why someone is calling me to his cabin.It’s
just male bonding…but I remain wary.
Everyone has their own coping mechanisms.I’ve found that most
electrical officers bond with cadets, while 2nd officers go to the gym
and pump some iron.Masters and chief engineers watch movies together,
while third officers sit with chief officers and play bridge or rummy.
So , I know most of the time why some one’s calling me to his cabin.He
has a new Russel Peters video on his laptop, or maybe he wants to
impart some wisdom on stocks and debentures or the art of managing
long distance relationships while living thousands of miles way on a
floating tin can.
But most of the times he’s calling you because he wants some genuine
human interaction, one that he misses with the people that he loves
Even though you are a poor substitute for what he misses, he tries to
make do with you because that’s all he can get for the time
being.Although a habitual loner ,all I can do is oblige for the time
Every ship has something new to teach me.My first ship taught me
diplomacy, my second ship taught me hard work, the third ship taught
me despair,the fourth ship taught me perseverence,my fifth ship taught
me self-understanding,and on my sixth ship , I realize that I’m going
to learn all about male bonding,whether I like it or not !
So although a habitual loner ,all I can do is oblige for the time
being.Hey ! , how bad can it be ?
Afterall It’s Russel Peters…Somebody’s gonna get hurt real baaaad !