This was originally titled ‘Why I don’t deserve a Girlfriend’, and was
a doctoral thesis on the role of testosterone in turning a man into
domestic swine, and why all women are goddesses and must be treated
This is an original one:
‘He’s a well read guy you know.Yesterday he had the alphabet soup and
today he’s shitting shakespeare!’
I know my new year’s resolution was to get me a girlfriend, but my
internal beliefs are in conflict with that desire.
I truly believe that ‘I don’t deserve a girlfriend’, but I carry a
pack of condoms everywhere.
Hey mom, never ever open my backpack…especially the secret
compartment which also has some mad-money and some weed.
Just don’t ma, just don’t.
I thought I’d be a cool dude to be carrying around condoms.
You know , if I get lucky or something…
Aunt May once told me, ‘with great luck, come greater
responsibilities.So peter, always play safe’
That was way before the radioactive spider incident.
With great luck, comes great responsibility.
I mean , you can get lucky, but also unlucky at the same time.
You’ve either caught something, or suddenly married to the mother of your child!
Man! That’s one responsibility that’s worth taking your time to decide.
I bought a ten pack.Dotted for pleasure.Extra large(they make great
Ten pack? That’s gonna last me a lifetime.
In my world,funny dudes never get the chicks to hop in the sack.Chicks
like funny dudes because they make them laugh, but they’d rather shag
that starving musician who can touch their heart and make them cry.
(My honest attempt at Stand Up comedy)